The Feminine Misnomer

My roommate had me read this and I loved it! Enjoy:)

"Feminist" is a title that I would rather avoid. It has taken on such a nasty connotation--the man hating, bra burning, abortion advocating, I-always-the-victim claiming, liberated-from-responsibility woman. Nonetheless, I do consider myself as being very aware of and in many ways worried about the problems associated with gender discrimination and sexism. So if that makes me a feminist, so be it.

Unfortunately, I think that in at least one major respect the feminist movement has failed the women of this generation. Instead of expecting equal respect as women, we (referring collectively to the women who make up the feminist movement) demanded to be treated like men. We pushed for sameness rather than true equity. We vowed to free ourselves from the roles forced upon us by a male-dominated society of woman--homemaker, wife, and mother--instead of asking for both the freedom to CHOOSE our role for ourselves and for equal prestige in those roles.

In other words, we degraded ourselves further by spurning motherhood and childrearing as inferior instead of raising the prestige of those roles. And in the process, we have prostrated ourselves before the Gender Gods and offered a prayer to take away our femininity. We have hated ourselves and worshiped men by wishing more than anything to become them.

So now, instead of having a society in which men and women are equally respected, we are creating a society in which men's work is still viewed as superior, and only those women who become the most like men receive the most recognition and status.

And I am guilty of being a part of it. Because in all honesty I see my future career prospects as more prestigious than my future as a mother. And I FEEL guilty for it. And I need and want to change.

I don't think the solution is for all women to stay home with their children or for all women to go to work (which, of course, would change the definition of childrearing to "work" since someone would still have to do it, even if they are getting paid). But I also know that building walls and judging each other as women for the choices that we make in trying to navigate this sticky issue only contributes to the problem. We are our own worst critics.

I also recognize the caveat that this whole work-versus-stay at home discussion is really only germane to that portion of the female population which has the ability to choose. Many women would love to have children, or to stay home with them full-time, but are powerless to do so. As an upper-middle class, white, college-educated American, I realize that it is quite silly to complain about just about anything in terms of societal status and advantage. Oh, that poor woman who can pay all of her bills, live in a safe neighborhood, has a husband who views her as a full partner, and has control over her reproduction and lifestyle. She has it so hard.

But from the larger perspective of women's role, respect, and equality in general, I think we need to change our approach. And we need a new word to call it that isn't so polarizing.